This picture

...breaks my heart.

I know how it feels to lose your big brother.

It reminds me of the only picture (I know of)

that captures my brother and I.

My Dad kind of did the photographer thing,'and

we have tons of pictures, but not of us together.

I won't post it,since it's private and I don't need everyone

to know my identity.

My brother had to be, all of 11,12 years old,and

me I had to be 8,9 months old.And my brother is holding

me, rather lifting me.

I could see sweat starting to form at

his hairline.My brother looked proud,

maybe because he had a little sister,or maybe because he could lift all

15-20 lbs of me.

LOL.

Actually I'm about to cry...

On another note, as a music-lover, but definitely NOT

as a music blogger, I had to bring you this video. I have

been enchanted with this video, since it dropped

in my Google Reader, from a blogger I happen to follow.

B.J. the Chicago Kid - "Groove With You" from b.j. the chicago kid on Vimeo.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson.

Another unplanned blog.
I had all intentions, to come home from work
and read Falling In Love With Natassia.
But I came home, and saw that the King of Pop was gone.
Mannn,that news knocked the breath out of me.
I'm so shocked.

I wasn't thee hugest MJ stan, but I was once a fan.
And there's only two ways about it, either
with you were a fan, or you used to be.
I'm so shocked and sad.

I even had a 'moment'.
Sad.
I guess this just proves that Michael was
human just like the rest of us. I really
thought even my grandchildren would
have the privilege to have a Michael
Jackson memory, or favorite song.
And I guess they will.

P.S. I'm writer, I have to put these things into words
before they consume me. And I wanted to feel
relieved when I posted on my sad l'il Twitter.
But the kind of closure I need was beyond
170 characters.No, I needed to blog.
Sigh.

Lesson #1:Learning how to take a compliment.

I was reading a great book called Falling In Love With Natassia.
And had no plans on blogging today.
Yet, earlier today at worked I received a compliment.
I won't say I never get complimented on,but it had nothing to do with
how I was dressed,or how 'bad' my shoes were. It was a little different.
This older lady, a frequent customer at my job,admitted
I was her favorite {insert my job position} person.

Now usually when a customer compliments me at my job,
I'm wary. See I work in customer service,and it makes me think
'what do they want',or 'are they trying to distract me with a
compliment'.Call me crazy, but it happens quite often.

"There's something special about you. You're nice, organized, calm...and pretty."
I smiled said 'thank you', and it left me no reason to believe
it was anything other, than genuine.

Weird.

I don't have the best self-esteem, or I'm not the most confident person.So sometimes compliments are hard to take. Sigh.I don't know.As soon as she list the reasons, why I'm her favorite, in my mind I'm crossing them off the list.

I'm nice..it's my job.
I'm organized...please.
I'm calm...i have so much anxiety,and I'm so self-conscious.
I'm pretty...on a good day maybe.

It's kind of depressing...

Best Of :Myspace Blogs.

I just deleted all but one of my Myspace blogs. Seeing as I'm hardly on Myspace, and my profile is public.
Out of 9 of the bad apples, I found these 'blog-worthy'.

Excerpted from 'I NEED A Vacation'.
Jeezy just wrote the song,it's my mantra,as of late.You ever hated your job,so much,you could feel a piece of you die,everytime you entered the building.I've been fantasizing,about finding another job,but with the job market being at it's worst since 1974,I think not.I HATE THAT PLACE,HATE EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT IT,HATE THE MOMENT I APPLIED FOR THE JOB.....but i digress,if I could just get a week away,maybe I can grasp my sanity,or maybe that's asking for too much.


Excerpted from 'Funeral Time'.
I still remember the night the hospital called us and told us he wouldn't make it through the night,...I remember us praying over him...touching holding him...I remember us watching all the machines he was hooked up to...watching the beats of his heart..I remember the moment after he died...I remember everything.I think I'm scared someday I'll forget,forget about him.I know I won't but I can't help feeling that way.

1.I dare anyone to say they hate,their jobs more than I hate mines.
I double-dog dare you!
And,yeah I recognized I qouted young Jeezy.
Live with it.

2.I lost my brother last year, I know uber-personal, and Myspace hardly deserves it. I remember crying as I typed this.This was my only blog that got a comment.

P.S.I had all plans on NOT doing this blog, or just save in it draft, because I actually thought it's be a bigger post,so very wrong.Most of them were in irrelvant blubberish.

I bid you adieu,blah.

The Boy.

Ah,yes.
The long-lived crush.
The Boy.

What can I say...
I've since distanced myself from 'the boy',in the only way you
could distanced yourself from a non-existent relationship.
I don't speak to him, or I barely speak.
It's exhausting to care that much for someone
who isn't aware of what you feel, or isn't thinking
of you.

And I know you may,say just tell him.
Tell him,what exactly?
How I've been in 'love' with him?
I don't know.
It's easier for me,to walk away than confront him with my feelings
and have 'our' relationship never pan out.
In these past years I've done quite of bit of
thinking and daydreaming of him..of us.
And how could I expect him to live up to those?
It's just unfair all around.
And, eh I rather not.

Since it's Father's Day...

I had to come through and do my blogger 'duties'.
My guess is there is going to be at least a million blog entries about
fathers' by the morning.
But I digress....

Now that I've bought my Father's Day gift,and a nice semi-sentimental card.
I can tell you the story, of a former Daddy's Girl.
I love my Daddy, I do.
My dad has represented manhood, when I didn't even
like boys.
My dad reperesented strength, by simply lifting me up.
My dad showed me that strength, and love could exist so profoundly
when he smiled at me.
I knew it then,and I know it now
I was my Daddy's joy, and I still am.

Not to get so mushy...

It's been years since I could declare myself as a 'Daddy's Girl'
It's a mixture of my parents' divorce, and SO many words
left unsaid.

But I love my Daddy.
And I'm thankful to have one.
One that has given the World to me and,
would do it all over again.

P.S. Maybe I should write SOME of this on his card...

The death of common sense.

Hello
Hi
Hey
What's Up
Hola(Spanish)
Bonjour(French)


I can't believe how some have dismissed the word
'hello' from their vocabularies.It amazes me.
It's sort of my job to greet people, I work in
customer service. It's astonishing.
Your day has gone so badly, you can't
bare to say 'hello' to someone who's speaking
to you.

And I'm a person If I see you passing by,
I don't know you,you don't me I may not say hello.
But if we're in inches of another I will say hello.
I do't mean to be the manners police,but I thought this was
common sense.

Aw,humbug look at me using 'common sense'.
As if it still exists.

P.S.Maybe this wasn't 'blog-worthy' but damn it
If it isn't annoying me.

This song speaks to me.

I can't tell you much of the artist, except she's a Canadian singer named Jann Arden. And the song,well it was featured on the My Best Friend's Wedding soundtrack.
You'll have to go back to a previous post,to find out why this song 'speaks to me'.
Or maybe I'm being dramatic?
There's a slight chance...
Enjoy.

Yeah,so I live with my Mother.

Shameful fact #02934.
Do I owe this to you?
No.
But I figure I'd tell you.

Seconds ago my mother came to my room and said something like this,
"are you obsessed with the Internet?"

Let me break it down,apparently my Mother has been watching
MUCHO tv programs (thanks Oprah,thanks Dr.Phil) that has put a spotlight
on kids/teenagers getting wrapped in the 'Net,as far as porn and getting
kidnapped,and such.

And I'm 26,okay?

*side-eye*

I stopped being this vulnerable YEARS ago.
And may I add we both have laptops,and we both spend a lot of our free time
on the 'Net.

*eye-roll*

Oh,how this pisses me the fuck off.
I will always be a child,to that woman.

P.S. She suggests I go back to TV.
Err,Youtube trumphs 'TV' anyday!

Waiting

It feels like I'm just waiting for my life to start.
Ever feel that way?
Confusion has continued to follow me, way into 'adulthood'.
Long ago I gave myself a 'get-my-sh*t-together' bullsh*t deadline.
Supposedly by the time I celebrated my 25th birthday, my sh*t
would be 'together'.
That included, a career, or at least a real job. I would know my
much sought-after 'purpose'.

I'll be 27 in October,and i'm so not there.

I've had a unwavering notion for years, that there
has to be more to life.Something fufilling,something
better, something creative.

Maybe,it's all bullsh*t,but I still hold myself to it.
And I know it's bullsh*t,life almost never goes
the way you plan it. IDK.

The transition to 'adulthood'(that supposedly nirvana,hell-filled place)was
a tough one,and I still have so many issues with it.
But then again any type of change has been hard for me.
I'm SUCH a delicate flower.

My Life Observing Porn.Chapter 2.

Being a woman true to my words,here they go....
Or maybe not,I tried my damndest to embed the codes,yet
Blogger said something about 'HTML cannot be accepted...'
So you'll have to settle for the links.
Sorry :(

INTRO
This has to be the one of worst facial abuse scenes I've seen.
So if you're easily upset,maybe not for you.I chose it because
it goes right for it,no preludes.It's staring Lacey Duvalle.
Here it go

http://www.hotgoo.com/watch/13619


And all this to say...
Do you think this is sexy?
And I know I always beg for comments,but really
you can comment anonymous if you like,but please
tell us your age and sex.
Thanks.

P.S. And yes this maybe a ploy to get comments and views,but
I am genuinely intrested.

My Life Observing Porn.Chapter 1.

Facial Abuse...

::sigh::

Before I begin ranting,and raving,let me explain.
'Facial Abuse' isn't simple oral sex or 'sucking a dick'
it's a way more than that.Another term,meaing much the same is,
'face fucking'.

Facial abuse is the act of sexually humiliating your partner by abusing and degrading his/her face during rough oral sex by holding his/her head deep on your genitalia, slapping her face, and talking to her in a degrading manner during the process.

And it seems to be pretty popular,an overnight sensation in porn.Now
everyone knows that any porn scene including a man ends with a cumshot.
We've come to expect it.Albeit isn't my favorite part.
I love oral sex,rather I'm the giver or the taker.Buth you will never
cum on my face.It's disrespectful,and not to mention degrading.
And for those who've been living underneath a rock,or aren't privy
to pornography,I'll post some small clips of this.

The Good Daughter.(the Intro)

You have no clue how deep this is for me.If it wasn't 4AM perhaps,I could be more profound.But eh,this is is a work in progress,and so am I.

My thing with Twitter

Twitter and I have a thing.
Like most worldy sensations,I don't get it.
Okay,I admit it I 'don't get TWITTER.
It seems simple enough,but...
If you noticed the 'Be A Stan' section(I suck at editing HTML)
you noticed the link.
I haven't had a tweet since December...
In my few 15 updates I've managed to break the
essential tweet rules.

1.All tweets must be entertaing/funny.
2.Eh..we're not your counselor,no personal tweets.

So go check it out have a laugh.I can't promise I'll update,ever.

P.S. I hate to sound likee a blog-whore,or some lunatic.But i wouldn't mind if you made a comment.I'm truly convinced SOMEONE is reading(glaring) this damn blog.I have a site counter to prove it!I didn't start this blog for views and comments, but damnnn it would be nice.

::tear::

Will the light vs. dark complexion,ever end?

Call me late,I just got a whiff of the drama involving Jermiah's "Birthday Sex" video.

CHILE,BYE!

Since when have music videos,reflected anyone's life.Just because the chick is Brazilian doesn't mean Jeremih doesn't date Black women light-skinned,or othetwise.It's all a matter of preference,and If you like who you are who the hell cares?

P.S. It's a hot song and all but are we REALLY checking for Jermih like that?Or is it the 'principal'?

Aw,humbug people kill me when they randomnly want to become righteous.

On another irrelevant note....

*were you equally distracted by her shoes?

L-A-M-E

This blog, will be a good test for me.You see,when I wrote 'living vicariously through the 'Net' on my profile it wasn't for funnies.I have a tendency of seeking out activities that, forces me to escape(via movie,book,blog,even Youtube videos) and not focus on my life. I've always had issues with escapism, now distractions are good and sometimes necessary.But when I have to a 5 minute brainstorm for a blog, or even a twitter,somethings gotta be wrong with that picture right??

Random brainfarts

*you ever felt so creative, yet restless at the same time?

*am i the only one who doesn't like Lady Gaga's music?

*ever had a crush on someone for years, and never said a word about it to them(more on him,later)?

*i'm 26,should i even be having crushes?
i could say i have a 'thing' for him, but i'd be lying.
it's a junior high-ish,brace face awkward crush.

A little about him...
we work together so ,we talk a lot...
he kind of flirts with me in a playful way...
like he'll come out of his way to bother me,disturb me...
yet he kind of does that to every woman in our department...

This one takes the cake...
i wrote a myspace blog(he's one of my friends) about my crush
in a very blaze' way.i basically let 'someone' know he has
a secret admirer.

I know L-A-M-E, right?
'Hence the title.

P.S. I have since deleted the shameless blog.